Trying to Forget
by Unrequitedblossom
Summary: Kouga and Ayame are mated.Trouble arises close to the packs home and the Inu-gang rushes to help. Kagome is injured and Kouga hurts Ayame. Summary sucks I know.R&R pretty plz.
1. Ayames Pain

**Ayame**

**When you walked away from me, I tried to forget everything about you. The way it felt when I touched you, the way your lips felt on mine, the way our kisses seemed to last forever but it didn't work.**

**I threw away the memories of our time together, just like you did or maybe you never kept them, so what is there to throw away? The memories of our first hug, our first kiss, our first time became nothing but painful reminders of what was never mine.**

**Your tokens of what I thought was "love" ceased to hold any true meaning for me and now I wonder if they ever held any significance for you. Your whispered little nothings of love, while in lust, have disappeared into thin air. I can't believe I was naïve enough to think they could have any true meaning. I never could quite understand why it was only when you took me that you said those words. Now I do, the love you declared wasn't for me it was for the pleasure your body took from mine. I guess the frequency in which you said them made me think they were real. I remember you saying them at least three times a day. Why just trying to decipher the message in your eyes when they landed on me seemed to take up most of my day, I thouught your eyes told me that you loved me but what they were really communicating wasn't love it was heat. Pure and unadulterated. How I wish that could be enough for me. But it isn't and you will never know how hurt I felt and still feel after realizing that. **

**I tried to forget about giving you my heart countless times but the endless displays of my stupidity keep popping in unbidden. I tried and tried and tried again to forget about all the things you did when they brought HER in and the pain they caused me but it was as if my mind was trying to punish me for letting that happen.**

**Even after leaving you behind and putting distance between us the littlest things will remind me of our short time together. Not even ten minutes ago I saw a villager tending to irises and I couldn't help but remember when I couldn't find one for my hair and you spent the better part of a day looking for one that was good enough for me. Of all the things that remind me of you the one that hurt the most, the one that reminds me of the promise that I now wish you had never honored, was seeing a lunar rainbow. Thanks to you I will be never be able to witness such beauty again without feeling desolate.**

**I can't believe how much time I've lost trying not to remember. I thought that after a month of traveling I'd reach my destination and sadly I'm only half way there. But who cares, I have no obligations at least not anymore. I left my pack under your care and I know you don't care enough to follow me especially since Kagome's probably still there.**

**I hope you can find happiness with the one you love and that you never know the pain I knew the last time we talked. The time when you were so preoccupied with the well being of the woman you love that you weren't able to listen to and console your mate for the loss of life within her. **

**Yes, I was pregnant. And now I'll never be able to hold a little one in my arms or soothe a hurt away or experience the joy of seeing my own flesh and blood grow up. All because I was trying to protect the one you love. While I have faith that, eventually, my love will fade away or at least the pain, I will never forget that day because you ripped my heart out of my chest and after torturing it put it right back shredded to pieces and so damaged that I wish you hadn't thought to give it back.**

**Flashback**

'**Kouga, I n-need to tell you something.' She said quietly as he was about to leave the den.**

'**What is it now, Ayame?' He yelled, exasperated. **

' **I-I have to te-tell y-you something important about the fight.' She saw him tense at the mention of that day.**

' **Can't it wait? I have to get back to the healers den.' He said once again trying to exit the den but being stopped by her hold on his arm.**

'**No, Kouga. It can't. I have to tell you that I was hurt too.' He wrenched away from her and looked up suddenly and she saw the spark of anger that flared in his eyes. **

'**Fine, go ahead. What are you going to tell me that you were to weak to protect anyone? That whatever injuries you received are more important than the ones that Kagome did? Are you going to tell me that you deserved them for not being able to protect her from harm?' He said looking straight at her.**

…………**..Silence……………**

'**Are you, Ayame? Isn't that what you wanted to tell me? Because until you tell me that there is nothing to talk about. ' He said after pinning her up against the wall. **


	2. Kougas Realization

**Disclaimer: I wish I did but I do not own even one tiny little piece of Inu Yasha...**

**I'd like to thank CherryKittyKat and wolcries for their reviews it really made it easier for me to keep going with the story...I hope you guys like the second chapter...**

**Plz...review i really need to input to see what i should or shouldn't change...Thanks again!!**

**XOXO**

**Kouga**

**He didn't understand how one moment could ruin three months of happiness. But it had happened and he could only blame himself for it. To be completely honest it hadn't been only one moment he had spent two weeks five days and some odd hours barely sparing a glance her way and that coupled with the moment had completely obliterated any happy moment we shared.**

**The worst part about it was he couldn't come up with a defense. He had been cruel and he had willingly tried to hurt the one person he should've cherished amongst all others. Instead of taking care of her as was his due he'd chalked up her injuries to mere scratches compared to the gashes that had marred Kagomes once beautiful skin and had proceeded to show the woman he loved that he didn't care for her.**

**God, he would never forget the look on her face the last time they had talked. He'd only gone to Kagome because he felt guilty, after all she had almost lost her life trying to save his packs home. Needless to say the mutt hadn't been happy but his concern for HIS mate had overshadowed any resentment. He hadn't meant to neglect her but he had and even though he felt it was his duty to keep watching over Kagome he should've told Ayame it was only that.**

**A few days after their fight and with a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach he went to their den, only to find it empty. Somehow it felt devoid of warmth,of life, as if something vital was missing. That's when he noticed it. Ayames scent lingered but it was so weak he could tell she hadn't been in the cave for at least a couple of days. Somehow he knew she had left him and the fury that realization caused in him was so strong even Naraku at his strongest wouldn't have fared well against him.**

**He'd ranted and raved and snarled at whoever had the misfortune of coming into contact with him until Kagome, almost completely recovered, had sought him out.**

**FlashbackYes I know another flashback...bear with me it's necessary...**

**"Kouga. What's wrong? Why are you so angry?" said the miko as she sat across from him.**

**"Ayame."He snarled.**

**"Oh well you can't be too angry at her I'm sure the good news would make anything seem dumb compared to that." She said with a smile on her face.**

**" What good news, Kago..." He managed to say , before being interrupted by Kagome.**

**" I mean knowing you're going to be a father should considerably lessen your bad temper."**

**"..."**

**" Huh, Kouga don't you agree with me?" She said before she realized the sudden pallor and look of horror currently gracing her companions features.**

**End of Flashback**

**He hadn't been able to answer Kagome or anyone else for that matter for quite sometime. It was as if his mind had stopped working after hearing the word "father" in fact it had repeated itself in his mind more than a hundred times and suddenly he knew what she had wanted to tell him.**

**"I was hurt too, Kouga." She had said and he hadn't believed it was serious.**

**Only to find out her injuries had been far more severe than Kagomes. She had lost the pups and he had turned her away when she had needed him to console her. He had even gone so far as to blame her for her injuries. **

**He had failed her and hurt her in the worst possible way. He deserved to burn in hell for eternity for what he had done to her only a miracle could bring her back to ****him and he was quite sure his quota of miracles had run out on him when he escaped the last battle against Naraku with his life.**

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	3. Can't Believe

**Well...thanks to everyone that reviewed I really appreciate it. I'm sorry this chapter took so long to be put up, I hate being one of those authors that updates like once in 3 years, but I had a terrible case of writers block and I really didn't know where to go with the story...In the future I will endeavor to get the next chapter up much faster. Thanks for your patience and I hope you like it.**

**XOXO**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Inu Yasha if I did I probably wouldn't be writing fanfiction about it now would I?**

**Ayame**

**I guess he does. But no matter she had dissuaded him of that idiotic notion quite rapidly. Amazingly she hadn't tripped over her own tongue like before. She also hadn't let him talk that much. It was actually quite uplifting being able to stand up to his demands. **

**She remembered the look on his face, with a smug grin, when she had refused to pack her belongings and go back to the pack. She had to admit it hadn't been easy seeing him. After all the pain she had suffered her heart still skipped a beat at the mere sight of him. But, no matter, she couldn't go back. Even if it hurt like hell to be away from him it would hurt more to be with him.**

**He had just come in after four months and demaded she leave with him. Leave it up to him to ruin the one day she hadn't felt like crying since their last encounter.**

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**Kouga**

**She refused to go with him. The insolent wench refused to leave with him. Did she not remember they were mated? Did she not remember that she had vowed to obey him?**

**How in the world did the woman he had encountered resemble the mate who had left him four achingly long months ago? She had changed drastically. She barely let him speak and instead of the love she had so clearly expressed not long ago her emotions were inscrutable. It's as if she truly believed he would continue on without her. **

**Well, she had another thing coming. Yes, he had royally screwed up. But he would not ler go. She belonged to him. And he refused to acknowledge the pain that flared when his mind countered: **_**Is she really? She certainly doesn't seem to think it. **_

**Kagome had said this would happen and he hadn't believed her. **

**She had figured out what happened a short while after learning Ayame had left. How she did this he didn't know but she had. And if she had the intelligence to figure it out. Why wouldn't she know what to say to Ayame? What had made him think he would know what to say? His mind chose that exact moment to say: **_**You're a moron that's why you thought you knew what to say.**_

**The sad part was he was definitely inclined to agree. He'd gone in and demanded she come right back with him as if nothing had happened instead of telling her how ashamed he was of his own actions. But he hadn't wanted to admit it. Because even though he knew he loved her some part of him wasn't sure his love was enough to get her back.**

**His mind screamed: **_**You are such a coward! **_**He had been able to fight off hundreds of enemies and had helped destroy one of the most evil beings the feudal era had ever seen and he was afraid of the damage one woman could cause if she refused him.**

**How could she not? He had never told her he loved her when there was no sex involved. He had practically never showed her any kindness. And most important of all he had blamed her for the one thing he was sure she wasn't responsible for.**

**"Oh man what am I going to do?" He said laying back against the tree for support.**

**Authors Note: I hate to admit that I do not like this chapter so if you do like it please tell me and if you don't then tell me why you don't. I'm also looking for a beta reader if anyone is interested my only requirement is that you know your grammar. Thank You.**


	4. Reunion Flashback Chapter

**Disclaimer: If wishes counted I'd be the owner of the world but since they don't I'm stuck writing fanfiction.**

**Chapter 4: Reunion**

**This is what happened when Kouga caught up with Ayame.**

**Kouga**

_**I made it. Her scent had been getting stronger for two days now. Now all I have to do is find her and bring her home. If all goes as planned we'll be back with the pack in three weeks.**_

**_He'd kept running while lost in thought and had accidentally run into something. A very soft, very familiar, something. _**

"**_Ugh..would you mind?I'm trying to walk here." She said getting up and dusting herself off. How his scent had escaped her notice he didn't know but he knew instantly the moment she recognized it. Her head shot up and her eyes betrayed her shock at seeing him there. Had she really thought he wouldn't search for her?Did she have such a low opinion of him?_**

_**Then her next words proved to him that she did in fact think that lowly of him?**_

" **_What are __you__ doing here?"_**

**_She sounded so cold and while looking in her eyes you could not see a speck of emotion. Had she really changed that much in these few months. She used to be what humans would refer to as an open book. _**

" **_Heeeeeelllllo, I said what are you doing here?"_**

"**_I…..cccame tttto gget yo-u."Oh yeah smooth move Kouga you really managed to impress her there. And by the looks of it she was having the same thouhgt._**

" **_You came to what?" She said crossing her arms above her torso._**

"**_I came to bring you back." But this statement did not generate the desired response._**

_**In fact, no joy, no giddiness, no clinginess, no tears and no anger. In reality all he got was silence. And then laughter. Laughter, could you believe it? Happiness he would have welcomed, tears he would have handled. Hell if push came to shove he would've gladly taken anger. But laughter he had not expected it had not made it on his mental list of possible scenarios. How the hell was he supposed to deal with laughter.**_

_**By this point she had stopped and was looking at him. And just before he was able to utter a word she said:**_

"_**Good luck with that but you must be planning on taking someone else because the person that is standing right in front of you will not be going with you anywhere." With that said she turned around and disappeared behind a hut.**_

_**His mind tried to get him to go after her but his body wouldn't budge and after a few minutes of struggling he decided it was best to think about things. Only he knew how much trouble he had gotten in because of not thinking things through.**_

_**He was a wolf demon and by nature or instinct, whatever you want to call it, all he could think of was grabbing her, throwing her over his shoulder and hauling her all the way back to the wolf pack. But with that scenario playing in his brain he soon realized it was not the best way to go. She would indubitably kick and scream and that would slow him down. Not to mention, that knowing her she would probably try and escape any time he stopped to rest. And even though his endurance and stamina were great beyond compare even he did not possess the reserves to run with a struggling one-hundred and something pound female over his shoulder.**_

_**It would probably take years to get back and he couldn't wait that long to start sharing his life with her again.**_

_**So, what to do? What to do? What to do?**_

_**He would stay and try to get her back. NO, not try he WOULD get her back. She was his woman and no matter what happened he was not going to let her get away again because of his stupidity.**_

" _**Get ready, Ayame. Because I will do everything within my reach to bring you back willingly and I will never give up." With that he turned around and walked back to the forest. Sitting down with his back against a tree he began to devise a way to get her back.**_

**_But try as he might his mind kept repeating over and over her reactions and the fact that she seemed to think she wasn't his anymore._**

I apologize again for not updating even though I said I would. My only excuse is that I cannot for the life of me write at will I have to be inspired and sadly inspiration doesn't come knocking on my door when I feel like it. Bear with me. I hope you all like it but please remember I need to know why you do or why you don't I can't write anything good if I don't get feedback.

XOXO

Blossom


	5. Unsuccessful Attempt

**Disclaimer: I wish I owned Inu Yasha but wishes don't count so you know the deal.**

**Chapter 5: Getting Back at Kouga**

**Ayames reaction to Kouga being around.**

**He'd been staring at her since their confrontation and no matter what she did every time she turned around he was there, staring. It wasn't that he was staring that really go to her, although his presence was more than enough to just bring back the painful memories, it was the fact that he only stared. **

**He had been there five days and he had not spoken one word. He wasn't much of a talker but he'd never done that.It made her wonder why he was there if he wasn't going to talk. She almost wished he would just get it over with. The sooner he tried to talk the faster she could dissuade him of the idiotic notion of taking her back. She would not go back no matter what he did and until he tried something she couldn't tell him that.**

**Why should she have to talk to him first? Maybe, like that she could let him see what he was missing because of his cruel words.**

**It wasn't mature of her to want to hurt him just like he had done her but since he had come the hurt and loneliness had morphed into white hot ball of anger that she wasn't willing to let go. **

**She would wait and see what he was planning and then she'd figure out a way to make it blindingly obvious that she would, could not forgive him.**

**The next day she was completely sorry she'd thought his staring,hmmstalking, was unnerving. Well clearly actions were much much worse.**

'**What made him think he could do that? WHAT THE HELL MADE HIM THINK HE COULD DO THAT?'**

**She stormed through the village calling, okay truthfully, bellowing his name.**

"**KOUGA!!...KOUGA!!...WHERE ARE YOU STUPID WOLF?"**

**Nothing.**

"**KOUGA!! I SWEAR IF YOU ARE NOT IN FRONT OF ME BEFORE I'M THROUGH YOU WILL LIVE TO REGRET IT…NO WAIT NOT LIVE YOU WON'T LIVE IF IF I HAVE TO GO LOOKING FOR YOU. DID YOU GET THAT?" All around her the villagers were looking at her like she'd gon crazy. Well who wouldn't have a couple of screws loose up there when she had an idiot stalking her for almost a week. **

'**She had a right, didn't she?'She asked herself.**

'**Maybe she did have a right to that but she sure as hell didn't have a right to refer to herself in the third person AND talk to herself at the same time. A couple screws loose doesn't cover that, those two things were signs of serious mental proplems.' So she quicly stopped her rant just in time to hear Kouga say:**

"**Yes, Ayame. I definitely got that." She was pleased that he had actually listened to her and was inclined to treat him with a little less disdain but then being the idiot that Kouga is he had to ruin it. **

"**I'm pretty sure, the whole of Japan heard you. What are you yacking about now?"**

"**I'M NOT YACKING ABOUT ANYTHING YOU BABOON…"Count to ten, Ayame her mind screamed at her or you will tear him apart limb from limb.**

'**_1…2…3…4…5…6…7…8…9…10' _After the fifth time she finally managed to wrestle her temper and thankfully she won. She was now able to think with a clear head and she realized she would do more damage if she treated him like the last time.**

**He had been unwillingly speechless and that's how she wanted to keep him.**

" **Kouga, the next time you plan on stealing into my hut and scattering flowers everywhere ask me. You see I couldn't be there to appreciate it your handiwork and I certainly would have enjoyed them. But you see Sano got out of bed and he certainly did not understand that it was meant as a pathetic attempt at romance so he picked them up and tossed them."**

**She saw his eyes widen and his mouth move but no sound came out.**

"**I'm so terribly sorry I couldn't appreciate it next time you try to amuse me let me know so Sano won't ruin it." **

Well folks hope you liked it again I apologize for the delay but I'm sure you don't need me to repeat myself. Let me know what you think please.

XOXO

Blossom


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